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Stephanie Foo
@foofoofoo

29,843 followers

Someone from my last post asked how I learned to let others take care of me. Um, FAILURE? I’m so bad at this! I wanted my family to bring me food last week so I awkwardly shouted in the middle of nowhere, “FOOD IS MY LOVE LANGUAGE” and everybody just stared at me, then shrugged and ignored me. Of course they did, I didn’t actually ask for anything! But then I was sad because I wasn’t going to get what I needed 🤦🏻‍♀️. I get guilty and say I’m a bad wife when Joey has to do everything around the house when I’m injured (he is such a hero♥️♥️.) I made things weird with one of my close friends because I felt guilty accepting her generosity, wanted to seem low pressure and then seemed ungrateful instead. I saw a Tik Tok recently that explored how in Asian culture, ppl don’t say, “Let me know if you need anything,” because that requires someone to ask for help. God forbid! Instead, Chinese people just DO stuff—they make food, pick you up, dispense advice. In some ways it’s a better system bc it puts less of the burden of asking on the person in crisis; in others, it’s frustrating because the sufferer winds up getting a lot of unsolicited stuff they never asked for, and often their actual needs go unmet. So, add in CPTSD, being raised to believe that I was a hideous burden, and….no wonder I’m like this. But I need to get better, because I don’t want my kid raised by just me and Joey. I want him to be raised by a village. I know how quickly I am going to get overwhelmed and I’ve read all the guidance on PPD and motherless mothers saying the most important thing is asking for help. So yes basically I’m trying to ask for stuff in less cryptic, crazy ways. I’m sorry it often requires me bursting into tears of guilt and shame while I try to find words for, “Would love if you could pick up some pad thai on the way.” If I wind up shouting rudely “PAD THAI NEED IT NOW” bc I NEED TO GET THE WORDS OUT OR ELSE…. please forgive me 😂. What techniques have worked for you for learning how to ask for help?? . . #cptsd #complexptsd #complextraumarecovery #trauma #traumahealing #healing #parenting #consciousparenting #cyclebreakers #ptsd