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Stephanie Foo
@foofoofoo

29,843 followers

So, one of the scariest things happened. I'm pregnant, disabled and immobile. I knew that the hormone relaxin was going to increase my risks of a dislocation, but I had felt so pain-free for most of my pregnancy. But boom: my hEDS struck, I dislocated my leg from my hip joint (literally AT physical therapy) and now I cannot walk for months. So for the last couple of weeks I've been scooting around on a rolly chair at home, unable to cook, do chores, or answer the door for delivery. Even rolling over in bed is super painful. Check these uber swollen feet! This is not the mother I wanted to be in the first months of my baby's life -- unable to walk and bounce him as he cries, push him in a stroller as summer turns to fall, or cook nourishing meals for us so my milk could be full of good, clean, healthy things. I feel like a failure even though I know rationally it's not my fault. You know whose fault it kinda IS, though?… it’s hard not to be mad at my parents, who aren’t here to help me care for the bb and instead are leaving a legacy of lasting physical and emotional pain. So I've been brutally forced to actually ask for help. Dr. Ham chastised me the other day, "You're not just asking for yourself anymore. You're asking for the baby." I have to ask people to come over and walk and bounce the baby, since I can't. I've had to ask people to bring me food, because I have no way of obtaining it otherwise. Would be nice if America had systems to help us for things like this, but, you know, capitalism and disability don't mix so nice. The one upside is that I get to feel so much gratitude and love for my people -- who've absolutely SHOWN UP. Dico, Jimmy, Dustin, Tristian, Miles, Ly, Mae and Steve, and my wonderful landlords downstairs, thank you for trekking over and cooking/doing dishes/bringing up packages and comics/keeping me company. I love you and I have no actual idea how I could survive without you! Thanks for teaching me to lean on others. Metaphorically and literally 😂 . . #disability #disabilityawareness #ptsd #trauma #cptsd #ehlersdanlos #heds #complexptsd #trauma #healing #ppd #depression #parenting #pregnancy #motherhood