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@katie__jameson
I sat in a session with my therapist two years ago and said “I didn’t want it to end this way. I wanted it to be my choice. And I was choosing one more.” I had a missed miscarriage in 2021. At 9 weeks I sat in a dark room where no one wanted to say the words out loud - so I said them for everyone. “There’s no baby, is there.” I didn’t say it like a question. It was a statement. I had been around grief for so long, I could detect the arrival of it from simple things. Hesitation of information, the quietness of those who knew things before me… the shape of a body, hunched, preparing to say things that would change me. I spent a lot of time after that convincing myself the phase of having babies was over. The grief I felt, was rooted deep in Lochlan’s death 7 years before. Something would always be missing, and it would always be him. Then she came. We wanted her so much, and she arrived like a triumph. A little girl, a fifth. After so many years of saying the word ‘four’. She grew in the place where another could not, and she grew our family by more than a number. Something is still always missing - it will always be him - but my overflowing love now has one more place to land. So, when Shari sent me our newborn photos, I cried like a mother. Witnessing my own life. I can’t believe this is my family. I can’t believe the wonder in which Shari captures it. Kenzie’s fingers. Lochlan’s Tree. Wally’s freckles. Woodsy’s smile. Millie’s eyes. I can’t believe the magnificence of all of our beginnings. Thank you @shariandmike 🤍 #JamesonFamily #familyofsix #newborn #newbornphotography #motherhood #bereavedmother #lifeafterloss #livingafterloss #infantloss #griefjourney #griefawareness #griefandloss #newbaby #childhoodmemories
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