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aarti
@leelajournals

96,392 followers

i have two birthdays. my belly button bday & my sober bday. i often say, i was born twice. my life before 6 years from today can be described as painful, chaotic, & destructive. people would say, “just love yourself!” & i’d be so confused. what is there to love? who is there to love? am i even in here? i walked thru life unaware of the truth & beauty that exists around me, inside me. constantly wondering, what’s there to live for? & why does it feel like everyone around me has the secret to life, except me? what’s wrong w me? why me? the answers to these questions came in human made chemicals. i drowned myself in guilt, sorrow, grief & then ran from my emotions by escaping into oblivion. i don’t know if getting sober was my decision or if i’m just one of the lucky ones god gave a bit of grace to. bcus i shouldn’t be here today. but i am. & in sobriety i learned the honest answers to the questions that haunted me my whole life. who is there to love? am i even in here? turns out, i’ve been in here the whole time! my fear & anxiety were just so big that i couldn’t see my small self. but i see her now. & she’s bigger than ever. stronger than ever. powerful than ever. & she never needed to figure out how to love herself. but instead know that she is love. she’s been love. & she gives love. i never thought i’d make it past 25. but i’m here at 29, thriving. life still scares me. i still have anxiety. i’m still a sensitive cat wanting to hide under the couch at the smallest sign of adversity. i’m still the same me from 6 years ago. but w one difference. i don’t silence my scared self anymore. i let her feel. i let her cry. i give her space. front & center. she’s the MC. today, i’m filling up on tres leche & sushi. i did my hair, nails, & make up. i feel cute. as i should bcuz i’m a walking miracle & my life is a celebration. 🤎 #sober #pov #adulting #recovery #spiritual #artist #birthday #southasian #desi #indian #soberbirthday #creative #onedayatatime