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Marlo • Brisbane ☀️
@marlowalkergrover

12,549 followers

Almost 1 in 5 babies require Neonatal or Special Care after birth. I didn’t think my son would be that 1. September is #nicuawarenessmonth and it’s prompted me to reflect on our NICU stay, on the trauma and triggers that come with it and the total lack of conversation for mothers to be. I distinctly remember seeing Elliot for the first time in his NICU box. I sobbed in the hall of the hospital, crying into his Paddington teddy, so guilty that my body had let him down. *a guilt I have since worked through and addressed. I stayed overnight in a birth ward, alone, surrounded by the cries of new born babies and their mothers while my son stayed on a different floor. I don’t know what his newborn face looked like, he couldn’t open his eyes because of the CPAP and oxygen tape was a permanent fixture on his face for months. I spent hours sitting in that hospital chair doing skin-to-skin to be told I wasn’t doing enough to encourage a breast feeding latch. I learnt to read oximetry charts, dissect desats, memorise beeps and alarms. We sat through brain scans, chest x-rays, blood tests and ultrasounds to find the ‘why’ behind his periodic breathing. Roughly 40% of NICU mothers display increased rates of depression and anxiety. And the triggers don’t disappear on discharge. Aside from the additional 2 months of oxygen at home, every time someone asks Elliots age I’m reminded of the fact he didn’t arrive at 40 weeks. I mourn the loss of my full-term pregnancy. Missing my maternity leave. Putting together cots and change tables between hospital visits and pumping sessions. I didn’t think this would be my birth story, but it is. And it may be for so many mothers in the future. Regardless if they think it won’t happen to them. So let’s talk about it. Empower women with information and choice. Let them know all the ways that it can go. And know at the end of it, they will come out the other side. #nicumum #nicubaby #premmiebaby #premmiepower #royalbrisbane #brisbanebaby #brisbanebabies #brisbanemums #specialcarenursery #parenthood #motherhood #birthplan #birthstory #birthinformation #postnatal #postpartum #postpartumjourney