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Casey Ehrlich, Ph.D. (She/her)
@atpeaceparents

40,878 followers

What I teach here is not a parenting philosophy. I am not a guru or an expert in your child. You are. In fact, if I’m honest, if my son weren’t PDA autistic I wouldn’t parent in this way because the tradeoffs are too high. I also don’t believe that an accommodation approach is the right approach for all kids. Some kids like more routine, structure, pressure, competition, rules. Some feel safer with rewards and sanctions. I believe there is no one right way to parent, as long as it is based on an accurate understanding of who your child or teen is as a human with a solid foundation of connection and trust. However, from my personal experience and working with 100s of parents raising PDA children and teens, I believe that an accommodation approach - paired with your objective observations of your child - supports them long term to spend more time in their thinking brain where learning, rational thought, and empathy can be accessed. But getting them there looks like 100s of decisions that look like “bad parenting” from the outside looking in. When PDA children and teens are in their survival brain (like in this example), we only really have two choices as parents - we can activate (by trying to teach, punish, extinguish behavior, etc. *in the moment*) or accommodate their brains and signal safety and trust. Others and your conditioning will tell you: You are rewarding bad behavior You can’t reinforce screaming You can’t let your children get away from that How will they ever learn? But remember, it’s about brain science. It’s how their brain operates. If you thought or said any of the above sentences (or commented here) that’s ok! It’s normal. I invite you to listen to Episode 11 of the At Peace Parents Podcast for a deeper explanation of how I would answer your questions! xo, Casey #parenting #parentingtips #parentingteens #neurodiversity #autism #autismawareness #autismacceptance #autismmom #anxiousmom #anxiouskids #adhdkids #highlysensitivechild #motherhoodishard #oppositionaldefiantdisorder #traumainformed #childhoodtrauma