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🦄Food Porn Unicorn🦄
@davesherotski

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Happy #foodfetishfriday ya filthy sailors, it's me, it's me, it's the D-A-V-E, your blueberry stud muffin, lady stuffing, #foodpornunicorn here with your weekly Friday food filth fix. Friday is without a doubt one of the best days of the week. However, waking up on Friday morning, you're always presented with a potential minefield of conflicting possibilities. Do you go to work and do the best job you can? Do you call out and do some day drinking at the beach? Do you WFH and get lost in a daze of Netflix, Pornhub & YouTube? Or, do you pool all your resources together & buy your boss a $250k gift card to the next Ocean Gate voyage? (Siiiiigh), so many options and so much uncertainty. Then I got to thinking, theres just so much uncertainty all around. There are elections & wars & political turmoil & cultural upheaval, and thats just within the first 5 mins of the news. Then there are things much closer to home, literally, like the housing market. With housing prices still near record highs, you might be tempted to sell. But, if youre anything like your unicorn, who has a few avid Trump cult memebers as neighbors, I decided I'd only sell with a few modest parameters in place, like requiring the new buyers to be a multiracial, LGBTQ+ family who can promise me in writing that upon settlement my house will be immediately painted rainbow colors and turned into a Trans Youth Sports Center that will help train high school aged, trans athletes. Ill also require they do free abortions out of my shed in the backyard and host weekly Church of Satan services on the front lawn. I should really start marketing that on Zillow now that I think of it. Then there's also the daily uncertainty of what to eat, that you have to decide on every fucken day while taking into account your spouse who consider black pepper "spicy" and kids who only eat chicken nuggets... sometimes. That's why like this week's category, when you find something comfortable and cozy, that you can just hold onto tight and enjoy the ride with, you grab that MUFFIN TOP and don't let up. So in honor of this week's category, I made these Blueberry, Lemon Muffins perfect to hold on to and bury your face in.