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Rebekah (she/her)
@sitting_pretty

62,839 followers

On #DisabilityPride – I went solo to a wedding in my mid-20s. I’d recently started reading disabled writers, and it was changing me. I felt more settled in my body – less like an inconvenient outsider-eyesore & more like a valuable human connected to a community of scrappy folks who insist we belong. So, I was at the reception with my hair bleached white, my lips bright red, my short black dress, and “Call Me Maybe” came on. And I felt it – my body wanted to dance. Historically, that impulse didn’t mean much. I didn’t dance in public. I mean, maybe I’d winced through a song at a school dance, wishing to disappear for the entire 2 minutes. But this time, my body wanted to dance, and…I did. I waved my arms, bounced & swirled in my chair. That song rolled into another, and I kept dancing. And dancing & dancing. I danced until I turned to water & stars & forgot that I had a body at all. The next morning I got a call from someone who’d witnessed my night of dancing. The tone on the other end was condescending, and it took my breath away – like falling in love only to be met with a pat on the head and a pinch on the cheek. “You’re so cute! Yes you are!” I crumpled in on myself. I didn’t want to give the world that kind of power again – to catch me with my arms wide open. And yet, I’ve danced so much since then. I’ve danced wild, goofy, sleepy. At weddings, at home, in my son’s class. I’ve thrashed my arms, thrown back my head, circled wide. I wonder – how? What happens in that space between crumpling & showing up again, arms wide? It’s not something I always describe as “Pride.” But maybe – sometimes – it’s as simple as – I want to live. As me. I want to dance in my chair. I want to parent just like this. I want to partake, dream, try, rest. Could pride be as simple as the desire to live – in this body – when there are real forces willing me to fit in, keep up, stay small, or go away? What I find intoxicating about disability pride is often the same thing that makes me want to hide – my desire/pride is disruptive. People stare, condescend. And also. Pride is a disruption that prompts, challenges, expands with the power to crack open a dance floor. ID in comments