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Leah Deason
@becauseofozzie

41,401 followers

Grief Guilt. I’ve been plagued by it since I left the city limits of Birmingham and moved forward on this new journey to Colorado. I know I have to keep living despite Ozzie’s death. I can’t stay stagnant and let grief consume me. Yet here I am struggling and feeling guilty. Like I’ve left him behind. The farther away I get from his final breath, the farther away I feel from him. And now I have half the country of distance from his resting place. I ask myself, how could a mother leave her child behind? How can I move on without him? As ridiculous as it sounds to feel this way, it’s what my brain is telling me. Grief plays tricks on you. It robs you of joy. It plagues you with guilt for trying to find your way and live again. I feel selfish…like I’ve let him and everyone back home down by moving away. I hope these feelings will subside as I get more settled, but damn it…this is an unwelcome and unexpected new stage of grief I wasn’t quite prepared to handle. Until I can see his grave again, I look for signs from him everywhere. Feathers, beautiful sunsets, dragonflies, blue skies, birds, purple and yellow flowers and butterflies. They’re all I have these days, and for now that has to be enough. #grief #griefsupport #griefjourney #childloss #childlossawareness #childlosssupport #bereavedmother #healing