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Maura Winkler (she/her)
@fikamidwifery

10,832 followers

Every time I look at this picture of my daughter, I remember the wedding it was at, the one soon after I miscarried at 13 weeks. I wore a dress a size larger than normal because, since it was my second pregnancy, I'd already gained weight in my breasts and belly in anticipation of that baby. Just weeks before, after mild cramping and some spotting, I'd found out the baby didn't have a heartbeat. I mixed black cohosh into orange juice and took it in grieving, desperate anticipation of not being pregnant anymore with a baby that would never be. Within hours, I was cramping and bleeding, my water broke, and I caught this tiny baby with fingers and toes and an umbilical cord on my toilet. I carried it out to my husband and daughter in the yard where they were playing in the hot July sun as if I needed confirmation it had really happened, and then I (ever so weirdly, but also in a completely logical manner), put it in a tiny mason jar in the refrigerator until we could consider a proper burial. My husband brought home a pear tree and we buried it atop of the baby we placed in a wooden box our wedding rings came in. I knew the pear tree wouldn't survive the hot midwest summer (who does that in July?) but it was all we could do. After we moved a few months later, I refused to run or drive by the pear tree until I was holding my healthy son who was conceived shortly after the miscarriage, as if I would find the tree dead and never have a baby again in some strange stroke of karma. ⁠ ⁠ We don't talk much about pregnancy loss in our culture (and honestly, I don't do bring it to social media as often as it deserves) but being that 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, it's incredibly common. And it's as deserving of support of normal physiology as birth is. Most miscarriages will happen spontaneously and not require medical intervention. Our culture underestimates the amount of grief that is normal even with very early pregnancy loss, and I'm grateful that I've had direct experience to better empathize with the families I care for. A little love from your midwife today if you've had a loss. #pregnancyloss #miscarriage #coithousebuffalo